Why Prom Dress Shopping is Like Dating

by Rebecca Kiser

Like every other high school senior girl, I recently embarked on the exciting (and stressful) activity of searching for a prom dress. Somewhere between dress 26 and 39, I realized that this whole process is pretty much exactly like dating. First, let me note that I’m talking specifically about dating as a Christian, as in dating in the pursuit of marriage. Dating just to have a fun time in high school is not what we’re talking about here. Now, to be perfectly transparent with you, I’ve had very little experience in this area, but I’ve also never been to prom, so I feel like that puts me in a good place to talk about my initial impressions of both and the connection I’ve recognized between them.

There are endless similarities:
Both start out hopeful and exciting, but end up being a lot more exhausting than social media and society advertise them.

Both left me feeling insecure, less-than, and inferior to every other girl.

For both, I’ve been told, “You’re never gonna find what you want, you’re way too picky and your standards are way too high.”

You have to figure out what you don’t want before you can make any progress which, for me at least, meant going through a few really bad options (way more prom dresses than boys, thankfully). That also means that even when something didn’t work out, it was still an incredible learning experience, that made me that much more prepared for the next round.

Out of all of them, the most profound and important resemblance I found between the two, and the one I really want to focus on here, is that there is no such thing as the one perfect dress, or a soul mate.

There’s no such thing as “The One.” 

I know, I know, shocker. I know that sounds horrible, especially in the context of the dating side of this analogy, but stay with me and let me explain why this is actually a really, really good thing.

First let me say, I get how you feel about this idea. The first time I was introduced to it, I was completely appalled. I thought it was saying God didn’t have a specific guy for me, and my discontent, single heart just could not accept that. But upon further investigation, I realized that’s not true at all, and instead, society just has it all completely wrong.

Let’s start out with the prom dress.

The “The One” concept says that there is one dress and one dress only that will fulfill all of your hopes and dreams of the perfect prom. It fits you like it was laser measured for you, the color compliments your skin tone perfectly, and it captivates the attention of every person in a ten mile radius when you walk into the room. No other dress will do, and you simply will not be happy in anything else. Now, there are literally thousands of dresses to choose from, I mean in department stores, online, in boutiques, in bridal salons.... on and on. You have to search through this sea of gowns to find “The One”. As if that isn’t impossible enough, you have to remember that God created us all with free will, which means if even one of the countless other girls out there happen to find it before you, you’re out of luck. Then comes in a whole other factor: we are imperfect. There is no way for you to know that that dress is “The One”, there isn’t a giant neon flashing arrow above that dress (I know, right? so disappointing). So even if you do happen to come across “The One”, you could easily make a mistake and choose another dress.

And that’s just a prom dress. You’re going to wear it once. Now let’s apply that concept to your future husband.

If, in the same way as the dress, there is only one guy on the face of the earth with which you can have an amazing, God honoring, write-novels-about love, each of us is most definitely going to fail. In this case, the dress has to like you too, and agree that you are “The One” for it. See, every decision your guy has ever made has to be made so perfectly that it leads him to you, and visa versa. One miscalculation on either of your behalfs, and both of you lose it all. No second chances, no back-up plan.

But here’s how awesome God is: He knows we are way too imperfect to ever make that work, but He still wants us to experience love in the magnificent way he designed it, so he saved us from ourselves. He made it foolproof. There is no such thing as “The One.”

We’re looking at the whole thing backwards in an attempt to glorify ourselves and create this false sense of magic and fate. As if those of us that find that love everyone wants are in some elite club of people whom the universe has chosen to bless. That’s what the concept of “The One” is.

You don’t buy the dress because it’s “The One”, the dress becomes “The One” because you bought it. He is “The One” because you married him, you didn’t marry him because he was “The One.”  

People who have found that love aren’t lucky, they chose to listen to God, trust his promises, and let him lead them through life and their relationship. Trusting God won’t lead you to “The One”, trusting God will lead you to the relationship you’ve always wanted with a guy who trusted God too. Any guy who meets God’s criteria of what your husband should be can be right for you if you are both living in God’s will.

Trusting God won’t put you on the right path, trusting God is the right path.

“In all your ways, submit to Him, and he will make your paths straight” - Proverbs 3:6 NIV

If you are trusting God with all your decisions, than no matter what (or who) you choose you will succeed.

So whether you’re in pursuit of a dress or a person to fall in love with, rest assured that if you are truly allowing God to lead your life, you cannot fail.

Also keep in mind that you’re not in a big rush. The prom dress is obviously a little more time sensitive, but just relax about the guy. As my mom puts it, “Finding “The One” right off the bat is an unnecessary huge pressure.” Yes you’re dating to find your husband, but there isn’t an expiration date on that, so just relax and have fun with dating, and with being single.